Answer:

Hi Angie, and thank you for your question…what a distressing situation. As far as a hope goes, it sounds like this patient may be on life support, but let’s not flick the off switch just yet!

Mutually satisfying sex in a relationship is an important component in making sure the bond between the couple is everything it can be. Don’t get me wrong…I’m not saying that great sex is the be all and end all in love (things like communication, respect and fun are also vital), but I don’t think anybody would be naïve enough to deny that ensuring there is plenty of shared bedroom pleasure going on certainly won’t help matters!

I also tend to think if the sex isn’t good in a relationship, then it could be an indicator that something a little deeper is going on which is manifesting itself during intimate moments (or lack of them). Those problems could be anything, and may be consciously realised or not, but it is important to believe that if a relationship is going to succeed and continue growing that something needs to be done to rectify the problem.

This could include a variety of actions from frank and honest discussions to health checks and even counselling; if you believe a relationship is worth investing yourself in, don’t hold back from taking action to give it the best chance of succeeding.

So baring that in mind (and I’m going to presume the above mentioned deeper problems don’t apply to your situation, which only you could know), the reality is that your partner is either a selfish or clueless lover…and of those two, let’s prey it’s the latter!

The good news is that there is hope. Your problem is a relatively common one, albeit to differing degrees (yours is at the more pressing end though!), and there are several things you can try to get things heading in the right direction.

Without meaning to come across as condescending to your partner (which may be impossible), your man needs a bit of training. By being honest, tactful but also direct and firm, you could turn your Bedroom Zero into a Casanova Hero!

Here are a few ideas how:

* Positive Reinforcement – Surely your man occasionally does something you like? The idea of Positive Reinforcement follows the principal of rewarding good behaviour to encourage future repetition.

Even if it is as basic as brushing your nipple with his hands, a sweet and gentle kiss or stroking your inner thigh, or anything you enjoy really, reward him with a token of extreme appreciation. Moan, heavy breathe, a lusty sigh…anything to let him know you loved what he just did, whether he intended to do it or not.

Hopefully he will notice and feel like a stud knowing that he can deliver such pleasure to you, and he will repeat the action. It also lets him know what you like without you having to give him orders and appearing bossy or demanding (or maybe he would like that?).

* Guide To Goodness – Let’s say you like to be touched in a certain area or a certain way (and who doesn’t?) If it comes down to it and you are sick of asking or sick of waiting for him to get a clue, physically take his hand and guide him to the right spot and actually show him what to do. Then emphasise your enjoyment with some positive reinforcement!

* Give Him A Strong Hint/Take The Lead – Buy yourself some sexy lingerie and cat crawl across the bed, or shave your pubic hair in some sexy way and parade naked in front of him. Take some control and do something unexpected to throw a kitty amongst the pigeons! Leave suggestive notes lying around or call him at work and indulge in some dirty talk…anything to shake him up and show that it is time for your love life to evolve.

* Leave Your Favourite Sexy Story Laying Around – Print out your favourite piece of erotic fiction from TEW’s Literature section (generally a no-no but this is a special circumstance!) and leave it somewhere that you know he will find it.

Make it a story that you would love to recreate, and hopefully the sensual chickens will come home to roost!

Another good idea is to print out a story and leave a cover note on it dedicating it to your lover. Hopefully some inspiration will get his romantic fires burning. Even try writing your own!

* Watch Porn Together – Don’t be afraid to try it; it can really add some zing to your love life. It can also give you ideas, provoke fantasies and provide a means of opening up some discussion about what turns you on and what turns you off.

Be careful with your choice – I suspect watching something like “Hot Cream Facials” won’t exactly be a wise option – but if you come up with a good XXX film to watch it can open up some new doors for you both.

Read Nat Ion’s adult film reviews in TEW Reviews to get a feel for what might be the best selection.

* Share Fantasies – Okay, this is one which can be a risky proposition. Obviously the danger is after you share your romantic lovemaking by the fire fantasy, he might counter with something that could either be completely offensive or a major turn-off for you.

At the extreme, it could be terminal for your relationship, but do you know what? Maybe it’s worth rolling the dice…it’s not as if things are all sunshine and roses anyway.

I have personally experienced the positive effect that sharing fantasies in a relationship can have, so I can recommend it, but PLEASE be careful and weigh up the potential pros and cons. If you do decide to go down this path, do so with your eyes open.

* Offer Incentives – Bribery. No other way to say it. You know things are getting to a pretty desperate stage if you reach this point, and hopefully it is more of a way to give your relationship a jump start rather than becoming a permanent way of doing things.

Offer tit-for-tat oral sex for example…the benefits are two fold.

Firstly, he will hopefully agree and you will finally get some variety with your sex life.

And secondly, he will know this is something you enjoy without having to demand it of him, once again avoiding the bossy/demanding perception, and educating him in the process for future reference!

* Talk It Out – Sometimes the best option is just to sit down and discuss the situation openly and honestly.

Be tactful, try not to attack him or “demean his manhood”, but certainly get the message across that he needs to become a more attentive and thoughtful lover for the sake of your relationship. Express how the current situation makes you feel, and ask him questions about how he thinks things are in the bedroom and how they could be improved.

You might find something that is weighing on his mind which is affecting his performance, or help remove the rose tinted glasses that may be skewing his own perceptions.

At the very least, you know you have given it your best shot when you take this more direct approach, even if it does not work.

Talking it out is a good habit to get into in a healthy relationship. It can strengthen your bond, and help you both come up with positive compromise solutions to problems, meaning your relationship is continuously growing.

* Ultimatums – When you have tried other options and nothing has worked, then just lay it on the line. The truth is your relationship is skating on the thinnest of ice anyway, and frankly this guy may not be worth the trouble if he is that selfish or unwilling to work on things.

Talk in a calm voice but be firm, explain that your needs are not being met and how that it is making you feel, both within yourself and your relationship. Focus this talk on you and what you are feeling, and explain why it has reached this point, but try to avoid directly attacking him or demeaning him wherever possible (this is near impossible, but have what you need to say worked out beforehand so you can choose your words carefully and minimise the collateral damage).

If your relationship is going to survive, he will realise this is last-chance city and understand he has to try harder. If not, then breaking up may well be for the best anyway, because chances are if he is that inconsiderate in attending to your needs he would make a bad choice for a life partner anyway.

Whatever you decide to do, it is important that you stand up for yourself here and take some action. Letting this problem go on and on will only end in disaster; people can only suffer in silence for so long until the resentment reaches boiling point.

Be strong and confident and believe in the fact that you deserve a fulfilling and enjoyable sex life...every woman does. Taking action to try and solve the problem may help you salvage a relationship that otherwise has many positive points, and if things do eventually fall apart for good, at least you will know you tried your best to make it work.

Hope that has been some help Angie, best of luck. Whatever happens, believe it is for the best, and don’t settle for anything less than you deserve.

XXX

The Erotic Woman