For The Rubenesque Amongst Us

I am fully qualified to write a column on this topic. I am not thin. I have been through periods in my life when I was slim, matronly, shapely, bloated, or big, so I do know the difference between what life feels like at a size 8 versus a size 18. And believe me, it is different. Especially when you live in the United States, where the only acceptable way to look is what appears in fashion, mens, and beauty magazines. I remember getting to my goal weight several years ago, buying a new dress in a sassy size 8, and walking into a bar to meet a man I’d recently agreed to go out with. He greeted me, told me I looked good, and added that with 10 pounds off, I’d be perfect.

Sound familiar? If you have had your own struggles with weight, there’s something you should know.

First, not all men are as ignorant as that guy who gave me that unsolicited advice. But most important, all men do not like the so-called perfect bodies they’re bombarded with in the porn they consume.

I won’t deny that a good 50 percent of the story requests I get at Custom Erotica Source from men specify that the women in their stories be “perfect.” I used to like to push the envelope with these clients and ask them to define what perfect was, just to draw attention to the fact that they were being arrogant in their assumption that everyone shared the same view of perfection. But I soon discovered my tactic did little more than annoy them. So I stopped. Anyway, I knew what they meant: just open any Playboy, Esquire, or FHM magazine. All the women basically look the same. Their proportions are as predictable as the weather in San Diego.

So what do the other 50 percent of requests from men entail? You guessed it: big, beautiful women. Anything from a little padding to all-out obesity is what they’re asking for. Sometimes, it’s the women in their lives, and other times, it’s a fantasy woman. Either way, she ain’t small.

And honestly, stories about women with “real” bodies are so much more interesting to write! They don’t read like porn – they are naturally imbued with believable human emotions such as anxiety, joy, fear, and vulnerability because the characters don’t have the benefit of waltzing through life looking like Jenna Jameson. Perfect bodies too often result in plastic stories because the only real struggle they face is whether to have anal or vaginal sex in the hot tub.

Okay, I’m generalizing a little. I’ve written about “perfect” bodies who had more going on that mere lust between them. But not often.

Rubenesque women are my favorite women to write about because the adjectives to describe them are simply delicious. I mean, look at this partial list:

- voluptuous
- ample
- luscious
- plush
- fleshy
- plump

Any one of those words could be applied to a gourmet meal. A feast of abundance! To lose oneself in such abundance is surely a heady experience, but not for the faint of heart or anybody too afraid to deviate from what society tells them is beautiful.

I know what you’re wondering. “Well, if that’s what men want, why aren’t they going after it?”

In our modern world, men are judged and evaluated on many criteria. The woman on their arm is one of them. If she deviates too much from what is socially “acceptable,” he risks ridicule and possibly even ostracization. Think I’m kidding? Let me give you some examples.

A male friend of mine with whom I was once involved told me that one day he was having lunch with a male colleague. When my friend let his gaze wander and stay on an ample woman who was leaving a nearby table, his colleague said in an accusatory manner, “Hey, man. What are you looking at? You don’t think she’s hot, do you?” My friend, bless his heart, said it wasn’t the first time he’d taken grief for showing interest in a larger-than-fashion model woman, so he has learned how to respond to such comments. “Yeah, I think she’s hot. You got a problem with that?” His colleague looked stunned and just shrugged. My friend believes he upset his colleague’s personal zeitgeist for years to come.

I dated an attractive, outgoing, intelligent politician for several months before realizing that the reason we rarely did anything more than make love was because he was ashamed to be seen with me. I would ask him about dinners he’d been to with the local news anchorwomen or aspiring actresses, and finally he confessed that he had an image to maintain and couldn’t risk being photographed with someone who might make people question his judgment.

Need more proof that men are hungry for women with bountiful curves? Type “BBW” into your favorite search engine. See how many sites come up. The popularity of big, beautiful women is nothing less than astounding.

The desire for women of substance is alive and kicking. It just happens to be muzzled. But appetites of all sorts are virtually impossible to kill, so if you’re a voluptuous female, take heart. Men are fantasizing about your body at this very moment. Be patient, don’t hide, and soon enough, you will be discovered.

I am fully qualified to give you that assurance. My boyfriend of five years says I was what he fantasized about for most of his life. And he insists that he’s only one of many in search of same. Diet if you must, but don’t believe for a minute that it’s the only path to sexual satisfaction.

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