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Advice From The SNAG:

Hi Wondering Star, that sounds like you have put quite a bit of thought into the possibility of having a threesome with your husband and another woman (I am presuming that when you say hooker you are referring to a women, although you don’t specify, so that might of course be wrong).

To be honest, and once again this is a presumption, judging by the tone of your question you don’t seem very positive about the idea (in reference to the “he wants so badly” part, and the reference to “hooker” which could be taken in a slightly derogatory context). I think this is the most important part of this equation, simply because if you are not excited about the idea of inviting another into your bed, even if it is just once, and you are only doing it under duress because it is the want of your husband, I don’t have high hopes that it is going to be a rewarding experience for anyone involved.

Getting experimental in situations like this should only be attempted when your relationship exists in one of a few different states.

If you relationship is very strong with high levels of trust and empathy, and you are both open about your desires with clear channels of communication, then it could work.

Similarly, if you are both adventurous types of people who like to try new things and continuously expand the boundaries of your relationship, then it might be worthwhile experimenting in order to explore new possibilities.

Lastly, if your relationship is one where the wants and needs and happiness of your partner is the absolute be-all-and-end-all, and so long as this is reciprocated by both partners, then this type of giving could be considered a loving act. I’ve never actually encountered a relationship like this however, not a genuine one anyway, so I don’t know if this is actually possible outside of a nice theory. Will the act of giving your partner a threesome and the positive feelings you would have from making him happy overcome potential negative reservations on your behalf? Would this lead to dramatic and disastrous outcomes?

How strongly does your husband REALLY want a threesome? Everyone knows that it is the number one rated fantasy amongst men when surveyed, but how many men actually end up experiencing a threesome? To most, it simply stays a hot fantasy, and to be frank, I think the majority of men are happy for it to stay that way. Don’t get me wrong, those who say the idea of a threesome is a massive turn-on are telling the truth. It is just that when it comes time to possibly turn the fantasy into a reality, with all of its unknown variables and fallouts, often the idea becomes more terrifying than titillating, and it is safer to keep in the realm of fantasy.

I would strongly suggest exploring this point. Discuss the situation with your husband frankly and confidently, explaining how you feel about it, your worries and concerns. Be truthful and make him understand that this is a big deal, and there might be some serious long term outcomes which he needs to be aware of. Relationships have been irrevocably damaged because of this issue, with many ending permanently.

Conversely, many relationships have also bloomed after such a joint adventure. The thrill of exploring unchartered waters and experiencing something decadent together can sow a seed which allows a relationship to expand in exciting new directions.

The key point is from what state such an undertaking is being entered into. Is it being entered from a standing of excitement and positivity, with each of the partners looking forward to the experience? Or is it being entered with one partner excited and one clearly dreading what is to come? The latter has potential disaster written all over it.

With that having been said, let's turn our attention to the practicality of the situation.

Is a “hooker” the ideal partner to allow you and your husband the experience of a ménage a trois?

Well, once again that depends on your situation. The benefits would obviously be that this is a stranger; a professional no less, so chances are they will be experienced and able to facilitate the event if both of you are unsure or nervous. Then when it is over, there is no need for the uncomfortable question of how to act after you have finished, or does she stay over, or how to deal with her when next you meet in a social situation.

I think if you resolved to organising the threesome, and there are no other carefully considered candidates that come to mind from within your social circles, then an escort is a reasonable choice.

I say that, however, with the understanding that you have undertaken the necessary discussions and scenario settings with your husband I discussed earlier, and that you have made the decision in a positive state of mind.

The bottom line to your question is this…do you really want to do it? Because if you are just doing it to make your partner happy when in fact you are decidedly miserable about the choice, then don’t do it. Convey that to him, and if he doesn’t like it then I’m afraid it’s too bad. If not going ahead with the threesome jeopardises your relationship, then ask yourself if this is a relationship worth having in the first place.

I sincerely hope this advice helps with your thought processes Wondering Star, because I understand that this is a serious decision with potentially far reaching effects.

Best of luck.

Advice From The DAG:

I can tell this is a serious question for you Wondering Star, because you said it is a serious question. And people say I'm not perceptive...

You’re damn right it is a serious question, and good on you for asking it.

Yep, a hooker is the go. You’ve got to know you’re going to get your monies worth and are not wasting your time, and that’s important.

It’ll also get rid of all of the uncertainty about what is going to happen, like what would happen if you chose one of your girlfriends for example, then took her out for dinner with the both of you, have a few drinks etc. You don’t know if she might back out before you get to the fun part! What a waste of time and money that’d be! Not to mention what a horrible tease for your fella. Far too messy, and the how will you handle hanging out with her afterwards?

Getting a hooker will mean you can get straight to the business, then she’ll get out of there, leaving you alone, and you won’t have to worry about who sleeps where in the bed or who’s snuggling into whom afterwards. Much cleaner I reckon.

Most hookers will be up for some girl on girl action too, which means you don’t have to worry about “does she think I’m sexy” or anything like that, you can just jump in and go wild. Make sure you get that cleared up first though (that she does chicks too), you don’t want to miss out!

You also won’t have to worry about jealousy and all that type of garbage. Once you’ve played and paid, that’s the end of it.

Congratulations on doing this for your man, so many people put their own insecurities or worries ahead of making their partner happy. You are an inspiration.

You’ve got a great attitude, and I hope your man repays the favour and does something really wild that you like in return…fair is fair after all!

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