Answer:

Thanks for your question Kyle; first of all, it's a great sign that you are willing to try things to reinject the zest in your sex life having recognised that it has gone stale. That shows commitment to your marriage, and of course, love for your Wife, so that is a great place to start.

I find it so sad when couples just believe that once the spark is gone, it's gone forever, or give up on trying to stir things back up. How can it not place such a strain on a relationship? That was one of the key things that got you together in the first place!

It is such a common problem, which is important to understand. A sex life running off of the rails is not a sign your relationship has failed, or that there is no future. It just means a new approach is needed, a sexual stimulus package if you will, and things could be back to what they were or become even better than ever.

The key is to make the extra effort required to break the shackles and routine, shake off the rust, and reinject some energy with fresh and unexpected actions to ignite the spark once more.

As for tips, no problem. Here are a few easy ideas which could definitely help:

* Make a move somewhere unexpected apart from in the bedroom. Maybe wrap your arm around her waist in the kitchen, drop in at her work or come home early for an unexpected visit. Flirt. It is an important step to create new erogenous zones outside of the bedroom, and to show some spontaniety or unexpected behaviour to break old patterns. I would guess if your sex life is faltering, then your efforts to show affection to one another may also be falling away. Fix this as a a simple first step.

* Get laughing together again. Break down animosity and dissolve tension by acting silly in front of each other. An idea I love (and have tried) is to watch porn with the sound off, with both of you providing the dialogue. It can be hilarious, and laughing together is such an important factor in feeling close and connected. You'll get the extra benefit of getting turned on watching the action together, and can tap into some new fantasies. Laughter and sex. Match made in heaven.

* Play with your fantasies- write down your top 5 fantasies on a card and have her do the same. Then head out for dinner or a picnic and bring out the cards and discuss them. It will feel so much more exciting discussing them in public, and you can trigger some new exciting possibilties. Fantasies reveal things about yourselves which can be so intimate, and that vulnerability can help closeness. It is also a sure fire way to feel a little risque and get to know what is going on in each other's minds. Be a little careful though...if your sex life has been flatlining, bursting forward with a fantasy of having sex with someone else straight away may be tactless and create more problems! Start slow. Let her lead.

* Make a dinner date at a fancy restaurant...but have her wear no knickers. Maybe dare each other to do something risky and outrageous. Dare her to flash a breast for you, and she can dare you to slide your hand up her dress discreetly while the waiter is standing there waiting for your order. If he's cute, maybe let him in on what you are doing (or maybe not!).

* Lay on a blanket in public and have a romantic picnic as a Sunday afternoon date. Talk about your favourite sexual memories, what you liked about how you did it or where you did it. Laugh and feel that excitement and closeness again. Maybe make some plans on what you will do in the future. Get excited by sex again, experience the thrill and remember how good it feels.

* Buy her an erotic novel or print her off an erotic story and leave it laying around as a surprise gift. Make sure you choose wisely though...hardcore BDSM or explicit lesbian erotica might not be a good choice first up. Remember small steps! Alternatively, sit down together and browse through the erotic stories in The Erotic Woman's library. Pick a story each and read it aloud.

* Visit a sex shop together as a dirty day out. If that is too big a step, invite her to sit down with you and browse an online sex store. Look for a new sex toy for her to play with, or for you both to play with together, perhaps some lingerie she can feel sexy in and model for you or for a porn DVD you can look forward to watching together. Check out our huge listing of porn reviews to help with your decision by clicking here. And here is The Erotic Woman's recommended adult shopping sites:

- US shoppers visit AdamEve.com

- Australian shoppers visit Femplay

- UK shoppers visit SexToys.UK

* Have a night where your sole goal is to bring her to orgasm. Show you want to invest in her pleasure. At dinner, or when you get home, grab her in an unexpected cuddle and give her a long, passionate kiss. Preferably with a little tongue to show you mean it. Then look her sqaure in the eye and tell her that tonight you WILL go down on her, or tonight you intend to give her the best orgasm of her life. Then deliver! Sacrifice your pleasure for one night, although seeing her writhing in ecstasy will probably excite you tremendously, and make it all about her. Let her dictate, be her sexual servant. Aim to please. Take as long as necessary. Commit to getting her off. Do this, and although it is not your primary motivation, I can just about promise you that you will be rewarded ten fold!

Look Kyle, the list could on and on, these are just a few thoughts off of the top of my head and I certainly hope they help. Maybe use some or all of those ideas as starting points and give them your own touch.

Your marriage is at a critical point, and you've done a great job by having recognised it. Reconnect, laugh and remember why you fell in love. Now it is over to you to make it happen, and show that lucky Wife of yours how much you love her and how much you WANT her!

Good luck Kyle, The Erotic Woman and her audience are rooting for you!!!!

XXX

The Erotic Woman

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