Getting it on, Getting on…

What older men can do (and they might not even know it!)

Sixty. The big 6-0. A long-time sex partner of mine celebrated this momentous birthday just last week. Honestly? In my mind, sixty’s getting up there. Sesame Street was never brought to you by the letter E and the number 60. I hate to admit it, but sixty seems old.

My partner? He doesn’t seem old. Russell has the same boyish grin, the same sparkling eyes, the same tight(ish) ass he had when we first met. He’s the same loving but flawed, brilliant but often intolerable person he’s always been. And sex at sixty? I won’t lie to you. It’s breathtaking.

Sure, there are no more five-time afternoons, but who needs them when my skilled older man can give me five orgasms in one go? In sixty years, Russell’s been around the block a few times and he knows exactly how to please a woman. He doesn’t mind taking his time. That’s not to say all raring romps have been replaced with slow and steady seductions. In fact, we had our first official quickie only two months ago. With age, though, the quickies may become infrequent. As my partner’s recovery time increases, so does the time it takes him to come. But so what? It’s not like we’re sitting there watching an egg timer and waiting for him to ejaculate. We’re fucking! The longer the better!

What’s more, Russell recently discovered that orgasm and ejaculation are not necessarily one and the same. I’d been telling him for years that men can have multiple orgasms, but achieving that degree of mastery over one’s body was something he relegated the yoga freaks. It turns out the aging process provides a helping hand! As my partner’s propensity to ejaculate too early in the game diminishes, his ability to achieve climax again and again blossoms.

Russell was lost in disbelief the first time it happened. As I gave him head, his body started to shudder and shake. He cried out in orgasmic bliss, but no come! I think he was even a little frightened by this unfamiliar incident. I congratulated him on achieving something many men have to perform round after round of Kegel exercises to pull off. When I kept at him that day, it happened again. “Another come-less orgasm!” he cheered. Third time’s a charm. Orgasm and ejaculation coincide, and Russell tells me the climax avec come is more intense the longer he has to wait for it.

But what if ejaculation doesn’t happen at all? Over the past two years or so, Russell and I have stopped expecting it the second time around. If he does come, it’s a happy surprise. If he doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world. Most often, his erection simply dwindles away after we’ve been at it for a (long) while. At first, I worried this come-less sex might be damaging to Russell’s sometimes-fragile ego. That’s because, at first, it was a little damaging to mine. Predatory thoughts whirled in my mind: He didn’t come? He must find me unattractive. Or maybe he’s bored.

Revealing all this to him, I felt quite vulnerable. I’ve always been so confident about my prowess. When I couldn’t even make my partner come, it was quite a blow to my sexual self-esteem. The aging process affects not only the older individual, but also his partners of any age. The key is to talk it through. It’s not always easy to address these age-related changes in a partner’s body or libido, but the alternative is an unwelcome process of emotional estrangement. After a discussion with Russell that wasn’t half as uncomfortable as I thought it would be, I now know my partner doesn’t mind not ejaculating the second time around. After all, he can climax ‘til the cows come home.

The final word on my sexy sexagenarian? He tells me he masturbates more at age sixty than he did at sixteen. Here’s to the healthy sex drive at sixty and beyond!

For more information on Giselle and her work, visit her website at www.freewebs.com/gisellerenarde/ or her blog, Donuts & Desires, www.donutsdesires.blogspot.com

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