Gateway

My mind was lost in less happy times when my email dinged. Oh…a message from an interested man on the dating pool I frequent when I’m up to it. Recently, a man who I was quite fond of and with whom I was having intense sexual romps had thrown me back. There were so many emotions and urges running through me. I wanted to scream at him to tell me why. But I knew that would be pointless. He likely wouldn’t share that kind of depth. And you need both eyes open to get depth perception. I guess one of my eyes was closed.  

I was trying really hard not to let my mind ponder the possibilities. Younger, slimmer, smarter, less smart, prettier, less confident, more confident… Useless to linger on reasons he would never share. So I was moving forward and trying really hard not to dwell on impossible things.  
There were some awesome things about the whole affair too. He was a gateway to a new life, a new me. The old repressed, burdened, worn down woman had to go. The tigress was ready, but she needed assistance to emerge, a sexual accomplice, and he was happy to take care of that. 

Sex with him was hot and intense but not intimate. He fucked from a distance: no kissing, so no kissing down my neck and around and over my breasts. No music down my stomach. But my pussy and ass got a lot of attention. Falling asleep with his hand resting on my ass cheek was tender and sweet. Falling asleep completely spent with his cock still inside me was rapturous. 

I liked his mind, and his quirkiness was still interesting, but it likely would have gotten odd at some point. His aversion to kissing was getting disturbing. And his stubborn refusal to communicate was a BIG red flag I wasn’t seeing. This thing was just sex for him. It kind of was for me too, so I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to feel at his emotional distance. When we agreed not to see anyone else while we were fucking I assumed we both meant it. Guess not. Shows his issues, not mine.  

So, when my email dings, I gotta see where my head’s at before I respond. I hate that the bastard left me with new trust issues. Liars do that. But I’m grateful too. He walked me through a door I couldn’t go through on my own, helped the tigress in me break through to a new confident sexuality. She roars on. 

Bi-Sexual Encounters Unleashed: Clip 3