The Eroscillator

Goodbye Hitachi Wand, here is the new power player in my erotic arsenal! The Eroscillator is about the closest thing to multiple guaranteed orgasms as I have ever come across (or on!).

I’m trying a new format for my sex toy reviews, and I hope it makes them a lot more useful for all of you.

THE PRO’S

• Sheer power – I am someone who loves a lot of kick in my sex toys (maybe not all the time, but certainly most of the time). The Eroscillator delivers in spades, and has three speed settings with the highest being absolute nirvana for even veterans such as myself. It will rock your socks off. And if you are a newcomer to vibrators, don’t be worried. You can start slow, and you can even use the voltage converter to further reduce the speed. Power control is completely within your grasp; whether you like a gentle tickle or an oscillating storm. The speed switch is also sunk into the rippled shaft, meaning no accidental mid-session power changes. Total control and all the power you need. That’s cool.

• Long extension cord – Hands up who has ever had that experience where you are pushing towards the pleasure zone and the batteries start to die in your vibrator, leaving you whipping a dead horse and, if you are lucky, falling over the orgasm line instead of bursting through it and racing for the next one. Or even worse, you grab your vibe and get ready to go, flick the switch and…nothing. Except a mad scramble through the house and pulling half dead batteries out of the TV remote control. Two words…power cord. Even better, LONG power cord. Disasters averted.

• Whisper quiet – This was my biggest surprise, and such a huge step forward for sex toys. Some vibrators sound like a herd of elephants learning to play the saxophone, especially ones that are powerful, and even the quieter toys still produce that annoying buzz which can distract your attention away from where it should be. The loud noise factor can also lead to some embarrassing moments, especially when your guest room is located anywhere near your bedroom (personal experience, yes!). The Eroscillator is not silent, but I was massively impressed by what I heard…or actually, what I didn’t hear.

• Easy to use – Those Swiss are geniuses when it comes to practical and ergonomic design. Even though this is a mighty powerful toy, it is light to handle and incredibly easy to manoeuvre. You can effortlessly hit all your right spots without developing wrist cramps from manhandling the virtual jackhammers some other power products are. Even though you probably won’t need them, the instructions are also appreciably easy to get to grips with. That’s a nice touch you don’t see too often in this product demographic.

• Built tough – You know how you pick up some gadgets and immediately get the feeling that if you look at it wrong it will break? This is the total opposite. This feels like it is quality, and it feels tough enough to withstand even the most willing test. That is something which is important to me because I for one am sick of the cheap crap that is on the market (which is why I love doing these reviews on quality products). It’s about value for money ladies and gentlemen, and The Eroscillator comes with a twelve month guarantee. I am expecting it’s lifespan to extend well beyond that though.

• Comfortable use – You only need to touch the Eroscillator ever so lightly against your clit or wherever you are stimulating and the pleasure rushes through you like an electric shock. No need to overly manipulate it or push hard, it is superbly designed to do the job with minimal pressure required. What that means is no uncomfortable soreness or pain in sensitive areas the next day.

• Multiple uses – You have to try this on your nipples…mind blowing. Work it all over your labia and your inner thighs; don’t let your clit be selfish. It is just an incredible pleasure machine no matter how you use it. It would also feel amazing for guys if used to tickle the tip of their cock, or especially their balls. Lots of different attachments as well…none of which I was able to get my hands on during testing (grrrr!)…but apparently there are 11 different heads that can be clicked on, including one called a French Legionnaire’s Moustache. Boggles the mind!

• Easy to clean – It is waterproof so cleaning up is quick and simple with some warm soapy water. Hygiene is important.

THE CON’S

Not too many negative points at all, but a few points for consideration include:

• The size – The Eroscillator is 10” long, that’s 25 cm for metric users. Not something you can easily carry or hide in your jeans pocket. It doesn’t look specifically like a vibrator though, so it can be believably described as a personal all-body massager with not too much trouble if need be. It is hard to imagine something this powerful being packed into a small device however.

• The cost – You are probably looking at around the $100US mark depending on where you shop. This is one of those “you pay peanuts you get monkeys” type situations though, and this ain’t no monkey. It is money well spent, and you are certainly getting a quality product you can reliably use for years.

THE SUMMARY

You can no doubt tell I am completely sold on The Eroscillator. It is easily the most exciting product I have come across since the Hitachi Power Wand several years ago in terms of delivering pleasure how I want, when I want and for as long as I want.

It is hard to imagine ANYBODY, and that includes women (and men too frankly!) who find reaching orgasm a difficult or near impossible affair, not being able to cum on demand with this incredible pleasure machine. I am not going to get into the technicalities about the fact that it oscillates instead vibrates (lucky, since I couldn’t explain the difference properly anyway), because really, at the end of the day, who cares? What I can say with absolute certainty is that it delivers unique and unmatched pleasure.

This is a great toy for couples as well as single players. I can imagine lovemaking being spiced up no end with The Eroscillator joining you and your partner in bed. The limit of use is only dictated by your imagination.

Ladies and Gentlemen, an orgasmic gold rush awaits you!

I’ll let two far more qualified people than me wrap up:

“The Eroscillator produces stronger, more intense orgasms, easier, faster, deeper, multiple orgasms, and was overwhelmingly preferred by women”

- Dr. Louis Lieberman PH.D

“Imagination is the most important tool for a good sex life. The Eroscillator follows close behind”

- Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer

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