Column #8: Seven Things I Learned About Sex in 2006

I guess it’s only natural that somebody named Sage who is privy to the deepest sexual fantasies of her clients through her custom writing service would be viewed as wise or sexually sophisticated. Wrong, but natural. The truth is that I learn something new about human nature and sexuality just about every day by writing stories for people.

Next month will mark nine years that I’ve been learning from my clients. In fact, maybe it’s the knowledge I’ve accumulated from all of them that qualifies me to write columns like this one!

So, as we head toward that time of year where we reflect on and review what we experienced since the last time we had enough free time to think about it, I’d like to tell you what I learned in 2006. Or, better, what people like you taught me.

1. Serial monogamy is less popular than ever among women. This was not exactly a revelation to me, but I was struck by how many women this year ordered one story for their primary guy and another for their fuck buddy. Or wanted me to fictionalize an actual encounter they’d had with their guy and a woman. Or wanted me to set up a scenario where they enjoyed their two favorite lovers simultaneously. Ladies, you are out there unabashedly pleasing yourselves and it’s a beautiful thing.

2. Men could read about their favorite fantasy over and over and over. This, too, was not a real surprise, but as I look back on my repeat clients—90 percent of whom are men—I realize just how many times I got a request from a “regular” that was so much like the prior stories I wrote, I wondered whether they’d even read them. And so, ladies, let me just tell you, in case you were wondering, that a man with a special interest fetish will never, and I mean never, grow tired of hearing, seeing, thinking, or talking about it. Use this information as you see fit.

3. Cartoons have sex lives, too. It was a year of animated sex stories at Custom Erotica Source. Popeye was seduced by a covey of blonde bimbos, Xena battled Cheetara (from the cartoon, “Thundercats”), and winged butterfly sprites spirited their sexual selections away for some faery nookie. The imaginations of people I write for so frequently exceeds my own, it’s embarrassing. These stories were great fun to write, but more important, they showed me that what we absorb in our youth has a profound effect on what we find erotic later in life.

4. Women want threesomes. You thought you were the only one with this fantasy? Think again. Women are just as sexually ravenous as men when it comes to multiple bodies. Most of the time, they asked for two men, but there was more than one request for a man and a woman as playmates. Women are far more likely to incorporate other women into their requests than men are to include other men. I don’t know whether that’s because society gives women more permission to be sexual with one another or because women really do crave one another more than men crave men.

5. A “Shocker” is a sexual practice. It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes a client will ask for something that I’ll have to research on the Internet! This year, it was the Shocker. A Shocker is what you get when a vagina is penetrated with one or two fingers, and then, rather suddenly, either the thumb or pinky is inserted into the anus. Yowza!

6. Women will, in fact, use phone sex lines. I didn’t learn this by writing stories for women but rather by trying to find advertising that would appeal to them. I work with a very large phone sex company who’s been trying to lure women to try their services and although they aren’t coming into the fold in the same numbers as men, they are definitely interested in dialing up a little naughty talk. As far as I’m concerned, the only way to make this dynamic duo of sex and the telephone a holy triumvirate would be to add a free pair of shoes. Then even I’d call.

7. Men can be incredibly sweet. This year, there was a decided upswing in the numbers of men who requested stories that truly honored their significant others’ sexual fantasies. In the past, I saw more stories masquerading as “gifts” to men’s wives or girlfriends. These were stories that were the mens’ fantasies but just happened to include the wife or girlfriend as one of the participants. This year, I was touched several times by requests from men that clearly wanted to get the details of their lover’s fantasy right—to show they’d been paying attention. I just wanna hug guys like that—they are what every woman deserves!

I love my job. Where else could I learn this kind of stuff? Thanks to all my clients for teaching me what makes them tick. I look forward to more discoveries in 2007.

Sage.
Custom Erotica Source