Column #7 - Sensual Massage; The Basics!

I can't believe 2006 is winding down already, my how time flies. Next time we will talk about those pesky New Year's resolutions, but today we'll talk about something a bit more fun.

The candles are flickering, the air is heady with the scent of ylang-ylang and the bed is dressed in the most sensuous silk. What could make this picture even better? A hands-on treatment…. sensual massage.

Sensual massage is used to increase awareness of your partner, not to bring them to a sexual peak. The power of touch is far and away the best way to increase intimacy. For lovers who are just learning about each other or for those who need to reconnect, an hour set aside for mutual massage is an hour well spent. You will never regret taking this chance to deepen a relationship and reaffirm your desire to connect with one another.

I know there are people out there who go to school for massage, but I guarantee that you do not need to take special classes to give a spectacular massage. What you do need are the following:

• A warm place. If it is downright hot or very humid, a small fan to provide caressing breezes will be appreciated. Shivering is not a good thing to have in a massage. It promotes muscle tension and keeps your lover from relaxing. Cold hands also are a definite no-no. Have a cup of hot water nearby if necessary to warm them.

• Shade or darkened lighting to promote relaxation and a sense of privacy. Some people enjoy the heat from direct sunshine on their skin so that is an option too. Plus being naked outdoors is very arousing. Just don't break any laws.

• Massage oil or lotion – scented, unscented, warmed or cool. Whatever suits you and your partner best is what you should use. Lavender is relaxing, sandalwood is arousing and mint is rejuvenating (though it is wise not to use mint on sexual parts… it can be intensely arousing, but can also be painful.)

• Soft music, hard rock music, silence – whatever you and your partner find most relaxing. There is something arousing about the heavy beat of rock music that can add another dimension to your massage, while classical or new age music can often allow you to become more focused on your lover.

• Lastly, but most importantly, a willing partner, freed of as much clothing as they feel comfortable to part with. You too should relinquish as much clothing as you can. More than hands can be used in sensual massage and the more skin to skin contact there is in the massage, the more intimate the connection will be.

The most important part of a sensual massage is the connection between yourself and the person you care for. It is a time to tune into each other and bond more deeply than is possible during normal daily activities. While you are giving a massage you should not be thinking of marketing, bills or work. You should give your lover your full attention. That is the greatest gift a person can give.

So, you are relaxed and focused on your partner who is lying comfortable in front of you. What do you do next?

Know now that your technique is not nearly as important as the desire you have to please your lover. Ask them before you begin if they have any special wishes or desires and try to fulfill them if possible. Don't talk too much though, it can be distracting.

Make sure your hands are warm and try to keep your whole hand in contact with their skin as much as possible. The flat of your hand moving over their body is both arousing and relaxing and allows heat and energy to pass between you in a deeper form of sharing than is possible with fingertips alone. Some people find touching with the fingertips to be more tickling than tantalizing.

Try to keep your movements fluid as you touch your lover, continuous strokes over the body allow your lover to focus on the feelings they have rather than your abrupt starting and stopping. The idea of a sensual massage is to create an unending touch.

Here are some other things to consider:

• Vary your speed and pressure to keep things interesting, but don't make choppy movements. Abrupt starts are distracting and break the connection between you and your partner.

• When in doubt, use lighter pressure. If you are not sure how much pressure to use, ask your lover what they prefer.

• If you find something your partner especially responds to, do it a couple times but that is it. Too much of a good thing becomes boring and ruins their response.

• Remember that your hands are not the only parts of your body that can be used in massage. Breasts, eyelashes and tongue are all good things to touch and tease with.

• If you have long hair, know that some people are very relaxed by having their skin touched by moving hair – it feels like feathers. A warning that this can drive ticklish or overly sensitive people crazy so be careful.

• Don't forget the hands and feet. Massaging fingers and toes is especially relaxing. Try not to tickle sensitive soles.

• Touching your lover's head with your palm while touching their sexual places with your other hand is a caress that provides your partner with a feeling of completion, a closing of the circle of their being with you as a link in the chain. This is an excellent way to end a massage.

When the massage is over, lie close to your partner and place your flattened hand on their body. This continues the physical connection and alleviates the feeling of aloneness that some people get when their lover stops massaging them. If possible, lie full length next to your partner so you both can share in the relaxed moment skin to skin.

Remember, as long as your partner likes what you are doing, then you are doing it right. Enjoy their response and make it part of your own.

Until next time my friends… expect pleasure.