Column #2 - Men vs. Women

Whenever I'm interviewed by a mainstream publication, I'm always asked about the differences between the kinds of erotic fiction custom-ordered by men versus that ordered by women. My clientele base is fairly equally divided between the two genders, so I do have some notion about preferences (though it's worth noting that only a tiny fraction of the world's population visits Custom Erotica Source and a still smaller fraction places orders, so sweeping generalities may not be statistically accurate—but they're certainly fun!).

One of the reasons I pioneered CES was to help dispel the sexual stereotypes. I had never been a big fan of "women's erotica" because it nearly always failed to excite me. What passed for men's erotica was basically the porn found in any men's magazine. Surely, I thought, there had to be people of both sexes who found this typecasting annoying and wanted erotica that met their personal sensibilities rather than those of their gender. Although they did indeed order their stories based on what turned them on, certain patterns began to emerge, even among just the several hundred clients I've written for over the years.

Men
The first trait that comes across loud and clear when men order a story (whether it's for themselves or as a gift to someone else) is the ease with which they can describe what they want. I have had several male clients provide me with highly detailed descriptions of body types, activities, and even how they envision the characters having an orgasm in their stories. They have no trouble at all relating explicit details of what their stories should include. These clues lead me to conclude that not only do they know what they want, but they've also been thinking about it for a very long time. Men will frequently order stories for their own enjoyment but they will also give them as gifts to their significant others.

Though there are a few notable exceptions, the majority of men want the sex to happen sooner rather than later and they want a good portion of their story to be dedicated to the physical interaction. This is not to say, however, that at least half of them don't appreciate a good plot or that they can't be bothered with an emotional context. A reassuring number of men do want the sex in their stories to transpire against a backdrop of everything from jealousy to ethics to foreign intrigue. In fact, more men want this kind of depth than even I had anticipated—and that's been a real pleasure for me because as anyone who writes erotica knows, just writing about how genitalia fits together is incredibly dull.

Women
Since 1998, I have had seven female clients who ordered stories for themselves—the remaining hundreds of requests from women have been for a special someone. Story requests from women often require me to ask more questions to discern the nature of the erotic elements they'd like to read about. It's not that they aren't sure of these elements; it's more that they have never had occasion to express them to anyone.

What does this say about women? Does it mean they don't enjoy reading about sex? Does it mean they don't have as strong a sex drive as men? The appreciation of erotica is only loosely related to the enjoyment of sex, and one does not imply the other. While men approach the story ordering process as more of a business transaction, women often get very excited about the novelty of the concept, the affect the story may have on their relationship with the recipient, and what ingredients to incorporate into the story to make it absolutely perfect. My women clients have usually not read as much erotica as my male clients, so their expectations are wide open and flexible, whereas men are more likely to want their stories to mirror real-life encounters: flirtation or meeting followed by sex. Women may like that formula, too, but they're equally interested in stories where the sex (or promise of it) is laced throughout.

To my surprise, I've noted a strong tendency among women to request stories where they are saved from danger, whisked away, or otherwise rescued. I honestly thought this tendency was a stereotype but I've witnessed it many times in the eight years I've operated Custom Erotica Source. Ironically, many requests from men suggest a strong need to be overpowered or at least memorably seduced by strong-willed women. Very few people, it seems, find being in control an erotic experience!

Do the sexes share any similarities in their erotic tastes? Yes—one in particular. They all understand how a sexy story can enhance their erotic lives.

Sage.
Custom Erotica Source