Column #1 - Know Thy Sexual Self

The Erotic Woman. Some might call it an impossible dream; others might call it a redundancy. Eroticism thrives in all of us, but it’s important to remember that “erotic” is a highly subjective word. Eroticism is temporary, often fleeting, mutable, and as difficult to explain as Paris Hilton’s popularity.

I operate a site called Custom Erotica Source. My goal was and continues to be to create fiction that the reader deems erotic. Notice that I said what the reader deems erotic, not the publishing industry, the self-help gurus, or the latest sex columnist. The reader, and only the reader, matters to me, because I can guarantee you that what you think is hot will differ more than a little from what your lover, your best friend, or your 9th grade teacher will enjoy.

I started my business in 1998, a time when what qualified as “women’s erotica” left me pretty cold and the edgier stuff actually frightened me a bit. I started to realize that there was probably nothing inherently wrong with either end of the spectrum, but the fact that I fell smack dab in the middle of it alerted me to the distinct possibility that one woman’s erotica was another woman’s anathema. A good mystery can be quantified and examined, but a good erotic story? Fuggedabowdit! Why? Because so few people can agree on what’s erotic.

So, as you browse around The Erotic Woman (and any others that may promise sensual delights), remember that although women in general may prefer certain elements in their erotic fiction, not all women will gravitate toward the same stimuli. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that what any women likes today may not always be what she likes tomorrow!

Does this mean that we are mercurial creatures? That we are difficult to understand or please? Possibly. Does it mean we need to change? Not in the slightest.

You may browse this site, for example, and read or see something intended to spark a sexual response, yet you may feel nothing but ennui or even revulsion. That’s fine. It’s normal and one might even argue that it’s discerning of you.

Or suppose, for instance, you’re shopping for a good erotica anthology, and you see “Best” as the first word in the title of a potential purchase. What does this mean? That the majority of readers determined these stories are the hottest tales out there? Nope. It just means that the editor liked them. His or her tastes may be very much at odds with your own, ensuring that your enjoyment of the book will fall short of your expectations. “Best” is a word designed to make you think you should enjoy the book.

Let’s take another example. Your significant other brings home a porn video and although you have no objections to watching it, you find that the characters, their interactions, and/or their physical attributes don’t turn you on even a smidgeon. While the actors contort and writhe with pleasure, you’re thinking about your grocery list or that report that’s due to your boss in a few days. Obviously, your erotic buttons are malfunctioning, right? If this is porn, it must mean that it’s hot, so why aren’t you excited? Because the movie and your erotic sensibilities simply aren’t a match. There’s undoubtedly an enthusiastic audience for that movie but you don’t happen to be in it. Somewhere, though, there’s a movie that will get your motor running. And that same movie may leave lots of other viewers bored to tears.

I hear from men requesting stories who wish their wives would be amenable to a threesome, bondage and discipline, or golden showers. I hear from women who feel the need to justify why they like a certain sexual practice. So, for the record, I want to greet you and begin my column with the following message.

What you like—whatever it may be—is not only okay, it’s great. It doesn’t need enhancement, enlightenment, eradication, education, or embellishment. Your erotic personality is as valid and firmly ingrained as your social one and it makes you the individual that you are.

So, accept and enjoy it! In the coming months, we’ll explore how to identify what you prefer, the best ways to savor it, and how to discover new avenues that will build on the erotic foundation you already possess. Eroticism is a marvelously natural state and your only responsibility is to be open to and aware of it. If only everything in your life were this easy!

Sage.
Custom Erotica Source