A Private Education
I read somewhere that we learn instinctively to pleasure ourselves before we can talk and my earliest memory of the art of masturbation was at the tender age of four years old. I won't go into detail but I was aroused by the sight of two lions copulating to the voice of David Attenborough on a BBC Wildlife documentary which stirred something mysterious inside me. Clearly at such a young age I had no idea that what I was seeing, or my consequent response, was sexual. Still, it was an enjoyable sensation and subsequently I made sure I had regular practice.
Consequently I was multi orgasmic (I believe that is the phrase) many years before my first sexual experience with a man. I adopted the no-hands approach, simply using a combination of flexing and contracting vaginal muscles while mentally re-playing an image I found erotic (usually inspired by salacious scenes in TV thrillers or articles I had read in the News of the World). Books played a key role in this development - and I confess that Mills and Boon stories were a major source of inspiration. Another enduring fantasy was to faint before the object of my desire, (in my teens this was David Soul or Christopher Lee as Dracula) who would then sweep me into his arms and carry me away to......? Marriage, of course. Sex didn't come into it. I don't know how common this kind of fantasy was, or is. Masturbation was such a taboo, and felt unaccountably wicked, that I never dared tell anyone it took place, let alone discuss it with female friends. I suspected I must be abnormal and vowed to keep my dreadful secret for eternity, since I had been unable to give it up. (Of course, when I discovered Nancy Friday's Secret Garden I felt much better about myself!).
Behind closed doors, I became quite addicted to the waves of pleasure I experienced, like a sugar flood. (I always did have a sweet tooth). Consequently, I would put time aside for it, as one would any enjoyable hobby. Even now, I will sometimes prepare the room, with soft lighting, throbbing music (Robert Palmer is good), and erotic literature to luxuriate in the sensations. Unlike films, the written word leaves more to the imagination and for me the Story of O, the Gor books, and Nine and a half weeks were great turn-ons. Not politically correct, I'm afraid, but then erotic fantasy rarely is.
Or, on other occasions, masturbation will be a quickie, a functional act, simply a means to an end, like scratching an itch. (Like sex with some men, I discovered later. )
When I embarked on my first sexual relationship and discovered the art of making love with another person, I stopped masturbating (although the muscle clenching technique has continued to prove very useful). I must have been well into my twenties, after being exposed to a couple of Emmanuelle films, before I realised that some women actually use their fingers to pleasure themselves. I decided to try this technique, but even in private I felt self-conscious. It didn't work for me. It wasn't until years later at a party, when a man brought me off using his fingers that I realised the potential. And I must have been thirty before I progressed to a vibrator, which initially scared the shit out of me (how could anyone get something that big inside their body!). Eventually, after I got to know it better and familiarised myself with its operation, I couldn't be without my toy. I even took a friend to the Ann Summers shop to help choose hers. After joking about some of the more outrageous products, she wisely opted for the fluorescent pink model. I also tried one of those Joni's Butterfly devices but couldn't figure out where all the little straps went. It seemed so fiddly I got impatient and just used my fingers.
Essentially, female masturbation is a creative act - and like any creative act requires a combination of imagination, practice and hard work for a successful outcome.
Personally I feel it is important in our manic society to have quality private time that is not dependent on another person for enjoyment. What better way than to devote all your energy and imagination to your own pleasure. A form of stress relief and relaxation that you don't have to pay for. No ties, no consequences, no hassle. Mmmmmmm……..
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Elizabeth Cage has been a published writer for over 30 years, writing erotica since 1999. Her stories, poems and articles have appeared in magazines such as Scarlet, Desire, Forum, For Women, In the Buff,The Hotspot, and the International Journal of Erotica. Short stories feature regularly in the Xcite books anthologies, including Seriously Sexy 3, Satisfy Me, Ultimate Sins, Five Minute Fantasies, Vol 1 and 3,Sex and Submission, Sex and Seduction. She has work in the 2007 Mammoth Book of Lesbian Erotica.
Kissing Velvet, her collection of bondage/CP stories is published by Chimera. For more visit www.elizabethcage.com
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