Playing With Seduction

In my adolescent psychology class, my professor gave us an interesting assignment. The topic was gender and gender roles. All I can say is that I never realized how complex this topic really was! The assignment was to role play with another man. My husband played the female role and I played the male. Our “job” was to seduce each other at a bar through the opposite sex’s perspective.

Before I tell you about the experience, I need to bring up some specific aspects to this scenario. As my husband and I discussed how we were going to approach this role play and further told the other about how the opposite sex would normally think, I came to the conclusion that this incident had a lot more dynamics within it than I originally realized. In fact, this assignment was seriously challenging to my erotic ego.

Location Dynamics:

The fact that the location of this seduction was at a bar, we were forced to role play a particular dynamic that doesn’t exist elsewhere (other locations such as workplace or grocery store, etc.) when pursing the opposite sex. A bar suggests alcohol, which usually produces uninhibited behavior. With this in mind, seduction could be easier because both parties were in a seductive state of mind. Yet, the next question we had to ask was, were we with a group or alone? If the female was with a group, her state of mind may not be in seduction mode but rather “to have fun” mode, perhaps to enjoy each other’s company or to flirt with the opposite sex but most likely not seduction as a means to an end. Approaching a female within a group at a bar leaves more opportunity for rejection whether or not the male is single or with a group as well. If he is with a group, then he must face the added disappointment as a rejectee by his peers. If he strikes out, chances are the entire group will strike out if the bar is small to medium in size because at some point a majority of other females noticed his approach to another woman. This signals to females that he/they are “lookin’”. Guards go up for two reasons: 1) sex is the goal and 2) since one or more of the males were rejected by another woman, she becomes second choice.

Therefore, we played single male and single female at a bar with the intent to seduce the opposite sex for sex, not just a flirt because a single female at a bar is unlikely to make such an outing without expecting to have sex. We also determined this seduction would be a one night stand because neither of us saw seduction at a bar for the purpose of finding a relationship. It may happen but this is too rare to bother exploring in this exercise.

Seduction Dynamics:

Seduction has various definitions but I’ll examine the kind that entices for the purpose of sexual intercourse. In attempting to seduce the opposite sex, an initial dynamic is physical attraction. This decides if either gender will approach or be approached. He may start with those most suited to his tastes but as he gets rejected, he moves to more “easy” girls. A man’s directive when walking into a bar is most likely to have sex (unless it’s a sports bar then it’s to watch the game and then have sex). When a man or woman approaches the opposite sex, s/he must get past the physical “okay”. Then conversation begins. This is where seduction begins to shape its gender specifics. He always seeks sex first; she does not. If she’s out to seduce him then she seeks sex as well but he doesn’t necessarily know this. He may hope or assume he’s getting the right signals but ultimately, it is the female who knows whether or not sex will result. Therefore, he plays a guessing game and works his strategy around that hope until she solidifies a yes

Role Play:

Tatiana playing the male – at first I felt stupid. Once I got over this I felt lost. I had no idea how to begin talking to the “female” when I knew, as a “male”, that my only intent was to have sex with her. I felt as though every part of my conversation was a cover up, a lie or a manipulation of my true intent. Finding the opening line was difficult.

Husband playing the female – he stated feeling “confident”, “powerful” and “I will succeed” in the seduction. Knowing I, the “male”, would be interested primarily in sex, all that the “female” needed to do was “present a willingness”; there was “no art of seduction” on behalf of the female. All she needed to do was show a bit of skin, cleavage, offer a touch or simply imply sexual interest and the male was seduced. Conversation or getting to know her was “secondary”.

I had an extremely difficult time thinking male even though I was completely aware of the way the male thought in such a situation. In order to succeed in seducing a female, I was simply unsure where I stood or how to approach her before I could begin a seduction. This wasn’t the case for my husband’s “female” role.
However, I of course, had a difficult time responding in a male way back because my brain was incapable of seducing for a one night stand. I simply don’t do them and never did and I can’t count meeting someone, having a conversation and being interested in them with the end result of sex. If I, as a female, engaged in sex on a first date, it would be with the expectation or hope that there would be another date to follow. If I was intoxicated enough I might do the one night stand but only to find regret in the morning.

Obviously, males and females look at sex completely differently. This isn’t to say that some women seek sex only (one night stand and no strings attached) like a male, but I couldn’t identify with this mindset at all. I tried though. And then I felt like an even bigger liar because I knew the female’s intent or hope was for the possibility of something more, i.e. another outing. But playing the male role, I knew this wouldn’t happen because unless I scored, liked the sex and something else about her, chances were I wouldn’t call her but only use her as a physical object to fulfill my sexual needs at that time. What would happen afterwards was of no consideration in my “male” mind.

What I learned here, between the seduction enactment and the discussion before and afterwards was that men really don’t need seduction. They only need temptation and if a female tempts, most likely he’s seduced. A male needs a seduction strategy for a female, which begins with a physical attraction. Both sexes seek physical attraction first but while a female isn’t likely to continue with someone who isn’t her “type”, a male will IF the result looks like it will turn into a sexual encounter. The second part of the male strategy is conversation. A female needs some connection with a sexual partner, even if she intends on sex because it’s important that she know something about him before hitting the sack. Again, this doesn’t need to always be the case, as exceptions exist, particularly for a female seeking to seduce a male but I took the average perspective. During the conversation, the male can use further tactics to seduce: flirting, compliments, interesting conversation topics, etc. How she responds verbally or behaviorally will clue him in on his chances of seduction success.

This was my experience, of course. I’d encourage you to try the same scenario with the opposite sex, if for nothing more than for a laugh. However, I’m quite sure you’ll get more than that after it. After all, you’re playing with seduction!

Namaste,
Tatiana von Tauber
www.vontauber.com