On Having A Hairy Beau

Remember Tom Selleck? Remember when he was sexy? Remember when hairy was sexy? What happened? Since when were baby-faced and hairless chests sexy? Why do women today sometimes have to wonder if their legs are hairier than their beaus? Well, I’m here to say I’ve stayed true to the Tom Selleck’s of today and that I love my beau and his hairiness. He has a bum and back as smooth and sweet as butter, but a nice forest on his chest and a pleasant happy trail leading to where my babies come from. Today, I’m going to help teach you ladies, who in my opinion are in lost times, the etiquette of having a hairy beau.

Tip #1: Do not laugh when someone makes fun of your man’s hairiness.

As funny as it was when my friend’s gay uncle told Gabe that he shouldn’t be wearing a “sweater” in this kind of weather, I did not laugh at my baby’s expense. Or when I was doing a fun online survey from one of my gal pals and one of the questions was “What was the last furry thing you touched?” and my first thought was “Gabe”. Okay, I did laugh at that. But he wasn’t there when I did so it doesn’t count. Sometimes you can snicker when he’s not around, but usually don’t laugh at jokes that people make about your man’s hairiness. In these times, hairy men are extra sensitive about their, in my opinion, natural manliness, and expect their women to defend them, or at least not laugh at them. Be supportive!

Tip #2: Do not put stuff in his body hair. Or any hair for that matter.

Not even as a joke. Not even on a dare. Especially not out of spite. You don’t like gum or anything sticky in your hair. As hilarious as it sounds, it won’t be. My honey got some drywall in his chest hair once. Let’s just say he had some bald patches for a while. Pulling on it is just as bad too.

Tip #3: Compliment your beau when he’s done something new to his facial hair.

We always expect our men to compliment us when we get a new hairdo or highlights. So if your hubby decides to shave his mustache or trim his chinstrap to just a goatee, compliment him. Or if you don’t like it say so because in the end he’s ultimately trying something new to please you. Also, what every hairy man, or any man, needs is a good beard trimmer. It’s not easy to have immaculate facial hair and it helps if he has the right tools!

Tip #4: Do not let your hairy beau wear banana hammocks in public.

This is more for the sake of others. And for yourself. Do you really want to walk around with a guy that looks like he’s carrying a tarantula in his underwear? If he likes to show off, take him to a nude beach where people will be less appalled. Or let him have a Speedo night at home where he can dance around like a more X-rated Tom Cruise.

Tips #5: Popular facial hairstyles:

1. The full beard. Not many men can pull this one off. There’s no daily chore of keeping a cleanly shaven face. It’s a plus. That doesn’t mean he should let it run wild though. That’s where you come in with that beard trimmer for a present!

2. The goatee. This is definitely a more high maintenance hairstyle. He should keep it trimmed and short. It is named after a goat, but he shouldn’t have a five-inch scruff of hair hanging from his chin like most goats do.

3. The 5 o’clock shadow. To maintain this style your beau should shave every couple of days, depending on how fast his hair grows back. It’s not meant to be stubble, it’s supposed to be a little longer.

4. The mustache. Well, not much to say on this style. Just don’t get long handlebars or try to look like Hitler and I think he’ll be okay.

5. The chinstrap. My favorite. It’s kind of like a beard, only thinner, following the jaw line. The hair is trimmed short, and it connects with the goatee at the bottom of the chin. Very sexy.

Okay, here come the myths!

Myth #1: Hairy men don’t like that they’re hairy.

FALSE. It doesn’t help that society today is so negative about it, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t like the way they are. It took my ex weeks just to grow stubble on his chin and he hated it. If a hairy man didn’t want to be hairy, trust me you would never know he was. Wax anyone? Not like 40-Year-Old-Virgin wax though. Ouch.

Myth #2: A man’s hairiness is based on his mother’s side of the family.

FALSE. Yes, the maternal gene has a stronger influence in the offspring’s pool, but level of furriness could come from either side of the family. As much as you don’t like your mother-in-law, don’t put the blame on her (if you don’t like it that is).

So, if you have a furry love monkey as I do I hope you appreciate him. And if you’ve ever been interested in hairy men you know a few tips now to help you in the learning process. Make sure he changes it up every once and a while, and that he does it right after a shower. The hot water opens his pores, and he’ll get less nicks and cuts. Enjoy and be open and supportive!

You have been informed. I hope your inner hairy-lover is curling hair around her fingers right now!

If you have any questions, praise, or topic ideas, please feel free to email B. M. Carter at Brandi_Layla@hotmail.com