The Finer Points Of Flirting

Ever see a guy who is major eye-candy with a voice like sin, but don’t know how to approach him? Instead, you retire to your home and think about said sexiness as you turn on your B.O.B (Battery Operated Boyfriend). Regardless of whether or not you get the guy, I sincerely insist that you get a B.O.B anyway.

But that is not the point of this column!

This month, ladies, I am going to give you a few tips in the ways of flirting and “getting the guy”. You want that guy, the one that makes your nether regions quake with lust, or makes your lips turn up with amusement or, hell, stimulates your brain with his wonderfully delicious intelligence? Here’s how to get him:

Confidence. I cannot stress this enough. Whether you are being chased or are the chasee, a girl needs to have and showcase her confidence. Figure out what your greatest assets are and amplify them. Look people in the eye, and stand proud. You are a woman, have a vagina, and therefore have the power. Besides, some men are really awful flirts, and at times you might have to take the lead. My beau, for example, is a horrendous flirt.

Cute Girl at the Mall: Hey, what are you doing tonight?

Gabriel: Well, I was thinking video games with some Taco Bell. Do you like Grand Theft Auto?

Hot (and I mean HOT) DJ at a Local Club: Wow, Gabe. You’re looking good tonight.

Gabriel: Yeah? I did take a lot of care doing my hair earlier.

Sigh. My pitiful, hopeless Gabriel. There are plenty of guys like him though. So introduce yourself if you have to. Ask for his number if you’re feeling extra brave.

Having a good team. Another very important point. Most girls go out to meet that special someone yes? And usually you bring a posse. Well, please, please, choose that posse carefully! Just follow these simple rules.

1. Make sure they are your cutest friends. This might sound crazy to some who would rather have no competition, but a group of fetching girls is better than a good-looking girl with her unattractive friends. I believe having more attractive girls around you makes you all the more attractive. Seeing a winsome girl in the midst of ugly ducklings appears awkward and blatantly reveals the nice-looking girl’s motives. But everyone has a different opinion about beauty!

2. Make sure they are your soberest friends. Nothing ruins your flirting chances more than a friend that is belligerent, irritatingly talkative, and is just plain being a cock-blocking bitch. Bring the gals that are intelligent and can hold their liquor.

3. Make sure they have different tastes in men. Or at least be confident (there’s that word again!) in knowing that you can tell them who you’re interested in, and know that they will back off.

Basically, bring your “A” team!

Non-Verbal Flirting. You could be in a loud room, or the “target” is across the way, or you’re just not sure what to say. No problem!

1. Eye contact. There is a difference between looking and leering. Don’t leer. Guys who like your leering are probably not guys you want to be with anyway. Or I could be wrong. Either way, making eye contact is a good indication to letting someone know that you’re interested.

2. Gesture. Women are good at this anyway. While you’re talking to Mr. Could-Be-Right, use your body. Nod as he speaks, silently clap with appreciation, etc. As you speak, shift your hands and head appropriately, and use open-palm gestures to project your words. Oh, touch his arms, and don’t forget to smile! Then there’s always the hair flip, lip lick, pout, suggestive smile method. This is only for serious flirters, and I suggest they are used with caution.

3. Posture. If you want to let a guy know you’re not interested, having your arms folded in a tense manner is a good start. Otherwise, mimicking his posture can make him feel comfortable, and make him think you two have the same mindset. Lean forward, of course, and get into the conversation.

Laugh at their jokes. If all else fails, this will definitely work. Men love to believe they are funny, and in the flirting world of men, they believe if a woman laughs at their jokes, no matter how stupid, that the woman is totally into them. And if you really were laughing at jokes that aren’t the least bit funny, why wouldn’t you be? If you’re a horrid flirt, simply use the non-verbal tips and laugh it up. This technique is rarely unsuccessful.

Relax. Don’t stress it. Don’t look desperate, as in wearing something Pamela Anderson wouldn’t even wear. Don’t chat about topics a guy really doesn’t want to talk about when you first meet him: marriage, kids, your parents, etc. If he calls, don’t call him back right away. Make him wait. Yes, I am telling you to play hard to get. Act nonchalant, and do not label your relationship if you do manage to get the guy to take you out. Rushing and making the situation more than it is equals a very big turn off to guys and will have them running faster than the juices of a squirter.

Myths? Of course!

Myth #1: Guys should pay for the first date.

FALSE. I think dates are better not only if women pay for them but if we plan them as well. My first date with my honey-do (as in honey do this, honey do that) was a trip to Disneyland, Disneyland. True story. A three-day weekend of the Winnie the Pooh crew and the song “It’s A Small World After All” stuck in my head for a week. Walking the coast and shacking up in a lavish hotel that was practically deserted considering the time of the year, was seriously the most romantic weekend I have ever had in my life. Okay, I get that not everyone can go on a Disney trip at the drop of a hat. At least make the first date memorable, and pay if you like. Men will appreciate the gesture, trust me.

Myth #2: Nice guys never get the girl.

FALSE. This saying has always displeased me. It’s not the sexiness of a guy that most women are attracted to. It’s the confidence. Unfortunately, the bad boys are more confident than the nice, most likely less attractive guys. Maybe I could write an etiquette article for men if someone can convince me!

Well, my lovelies, you have been informed. I hope you get that guy. And I hope your inner flirt is batting her alluring eyelashes right now!

If you have any questions, praise, or topic ideas, please feel free to email B. M. Carter at Brandi_Layla@hotmail.com