Dancing Know-How

The last time I was at a dance club, it had been with one of my good girlfriends. I did not realize that it was a gay bar until two hours after being there. I had wondered why the girls were so friendly. I got completely plastered, and when I woke up the next morning, I had a large smudge of raspberry red lipstick on my top right over my left boob. I still to this day do not remember what happened. Just thought I’d share. I do remember being a fiend on the dance floor, and now you can be one too!

Here are a few steps to ensure that you, and everyone around you, have a good time.

Step 1: Have a drink. Now, do not drink something that will make you cling to the bar for fear of falling off the earth. Something light that will loosen you up, like a beer or a mixer that at least has soda or milk in it. The more relaxed you feel, the less anxious you will be once you step out on that dance floor. For DD’s (designated drivers), I suggest stretching once you get out the car. I know that sounds silly, but it will loosen you up. DD’s get to strut their stuff with sexy, sober confidence on the dance floor, and I respect that.

Step 2: Dress properly. This is a given. There are some pieces of clothing that are sexy, but do not really go well with the whole dance scene in a club. And always, always wear clean clothes. If you have not read my first article about clubs, then let me repeat myself: most clubs have black lights. Enough said. Now, let me break it down for you.

1. Tops: There is one piece of clothing that I love to wear, but will never wear in a dance club: tube tops. Ladies, do you really want to spend the whole night tugging that bad boy up every ten seconds to not reveal your puppies? I wouldn’t. And nothing with long sleeves. You are going to get extremely hot and, honestly, SWEATY if you are really getting into it. I think halter-tops are perfect for dance clubs. They will not fall off, and they reveal enough to keep you cool and feeling sexy.

2. Bottoms: Wear clean underwear for one thing! You never know whom you’re going to meet. Secondly, do not wear something that is too tight. I do not suggest that you try doing the splits while out on the dance floor, but your vagina is going to need to breathe in all the heat that will be circulating. There is a big difference between tight and snug. When you put on your jeans, or Capri’s or whatever, do a squat with them on. If they don’t move to the bottom of your ass by the peak of that squat, then you should be okay. And yes, I suggest Capri’s or jeans. Tube tops sag down, and for most women, skirts hike up. Unless it’s a long one. You can go ahead and try it, but I’m just letting you know!

3. Purses: What’s a girl without a purse? I do think they should be left at home though. Big purses are just bulky and annoying, and small purses can easily get lost or stolen. If you have someone in your party that does not plan on dancing, you can give your belongings to them. Otherwise I would not bring one. That is why I wear jeans. Pockets are perfect for money and ID’s.

4. Shoes: Those five-inch heels are great, I know, but you will hate yourself by the end of the night if you choose them. I would not go dancing with heels taller than three inches. No one will be looking at your feet, go for the slippers!

You’re relaxed and you’re looking good. Now you need to figure out what to do with yourself.

Arms and Hands. You can do all kinds types of movements with your arms. Just do not make them quick and jerky. You could take an eye out. Caressing your body is nice. Just don’t get carried away. Resting your arms and hands on your dance partner’s shoulders gives him or her permission to also lay hands on you. Hopefully it won’t be straight to your bum! Oh, and don’t ever put your fingers in your mouth. That’s just unsanitary.

Hips. Pump ‘em, baby! Whether fast or slow, there’s really not much you can do wrong with them. Unless you’re way off beat. My beau calls that “overly Caucasian”, and he thinks he’s the prime example of that category. I would pick a shape and stick with trying to trace my hips that way. A figure eight, or a circle, or a curved, dipped line from side to side. Soon you’ll be doing stars and parallelograms!

Legs and Feet.

- No lifting legs onto other people in the club unless you have a sure sense of balance!

- No kicking unless you have plenty of space!

- Spinning is okay. But only one spin at a time please.

- You have better balance on the balls of your feet rather than the heel (especially if you’re wearing heels) Take tiny steps matching the beat of the music and you’ll do fine.

And now the myths…

All African-American’s can dance.

FALSE. Yes, I have seen it. A person of color with not a lick of rhythm.

Good dancers are good in bed.

FALSE. They may have rhythm on the dance floor, but that does not mean you’ll be getting your groove on in the bedroom. Plenty of my girlfriends have testified that even though their man can get jiggy out in public, it’s pretty iffy between the sheets.

Well, Ladies, you have been informed! I hope your inner dancer is doing the cabbage patch right now!

If you have any questions, praise, or topic ideas, please feel free to email B. M. Carter at Brandi_Layla@hotmail.com