Chain Link Sex

One of things I often notice is that the more we try to fit sexuality into a standard mold the more complex it becomes. Sexuality has so many levels and ranges that I believe some people literally experience completely different kinds of pleasure, intimacy and orgasm. Some have never heard or experienced anything like a mental orgasm, while others have experienced the sensual world in ways you or I cannot conceive. Our uniqueness and individuality in perception seems like a fantastic communication exchange of knowledge so that we may experience life to its fullest potential while growing and bettering ourselves and our world. These seem like reasonable goals for the average person and I cannot imagine too much disagreement with it. Yet, far too many play judge and jury without enough consideration as to how narrow-minded perceptions hurt humanity. Surely the human spirit has the potential to be grandeur than it currently exists, does it not? If not, why the potential? Why the hope? Why the care? Why the bother?

Our sexuality wraps itself around us, tempting our lust, curiosity or exploration. Perhaps sexual ethics needs a different twist, a slightly altered perspective to allow what I believe to be our fundamental right of a conscious being’s freedom to be the guide in life with respect to the reciprocal value of action. This basically means that we are born equal but it is our external or physical differences which begin to pave the directions we take in life, mold us into who we are and directs us into accepting various truths in relation to life, but I’m more interested in the sex. When establishing any kind of control the first call to order is setting up boundaries. I’ve learned this in my home. To guarantee that I don’t continue in the mother-slave syndrome, I’ve set up new rules that are centered on a shared workload of household chores. In the end, it serves good for everyone. The kids learn responsibility and with a lower workload for me, I create time slots for personal recharging and studying. So far so good. There are days when outside circumstances require my family to not live up to the new rules and responsibilities but those rules are guidelines for us to follow, nothing concrete.

Morality works the same way. We can create absolutes and definite laws of what is acceptable or not but there are always new situations which call for diversions from what we thought was ‘supposed to be’ to what ‘now should be’. It can be a slippery slope and surely appear very subjective but I think morality simply evolves with humanity. Looking at rape, it’s fair to assume most consider the action immoral. Yet, in the current case of a 10 year old girl in Australia who was gang raped by nine males, it seemed one judge thought such action was “moral-enough” or at very least, forgivable enough to not warrant jail time for the boys. I won’t be the first one to write about it but my spin has to do with sexual morality and the freedom of oneself and the other and how these two create some, if not the one foundation of morality with sex involved. This is assuming, of course, that we can actually claim sexual morality does in fact exist. Thus far in my philosophy classes, two of which concentrated on sexual ethics, its moral or immoral labels are almost pointing to the possibility that sexual behavior is amoral, outside the scope of morality. This is something I’ll explore at a later time. For now, however, it may be wise to think about setting up boundaries rather than morals with respect to sexual behavior, perversions and deviances so that the chances of an underage gang bang gets the justice it deserves, at minimum.

There are a few popular sexual morality theories going around. The basic ones view sex as pleasure, love, procreation and language; sexual perversion is thrown in there too quite a bit. Each one of these theories has valid weight in a completely different way and defines sexual morality as well as sexuality’s purpose, definition, weight and “character”. How can we judge which one is right? We need some fundamental level upon which to build. That fundamental nature of sex is one of the questions sexual philosophy attempts to answer. Of course, there really isn’t one. We are talking philosophy here! However, such thoughts fuel my erotic mind because it allows me to delve deeper into those truly difficult questions and dilemmas we face, those that Dear Abby cannot answer well. Everything in our sexual nature is a reflection of a part of us and I think sexual deviances and perversions are an extension of that, or at least a manifestation of those parts which lie hidden within. Everyone has a sexual dark side. If we cannot understand that which is hidden nor face it, how do we ascend from its power, if any, over us?

Sexual morality may need an “amoral” stance if people are to truly grow and harness the freedom they equally share. The freedom isn’t about liberty but just simple freedom to be “liquid”, malleable, and adaptable and to, of course, have choice. I believe that sex, eroticism, intimacy, and love can be used as a path to self reflection and sexual deviances and perversions are part of that exploration and discovery. They cannot hold absolute moral value. The problematic issues come in when various sexual acts, say a gang bang turns into a criminal act such as physical battery known as rape. I realize that rape would not be “rape” if sex were not involved; it would simply be battery. But, is it possible that we place too much emphasis on the meaning and purpose of sex? Or, is it possible that we have an inherent attraction to sexual qualities because sex does in fact have some innate valued meaning for us to meddle over for centuries? Both are plausible depending on your view. But what we really need are boundaries. Compromises. Solutions.

I can’t imagine a properly functioning justice system without firmer definitions of what constitutes sexually immoral action but I’ve found that all in all, what exists now leaves too much room for interpretation, a good sometimes I gather but on the down side we have too many loopholes. I’ve been told that from a legal perspective, sexual definitions cannot be written in detail to account for every possible situation sexual crimes bring with them; generalization is needed to some degree. I understand. However, this Australian 10 year old child was hurt by more than a nine men gang bang as it was the judicial system which didn’t offer the justice I think many would agree was warranted. And while this case, like all others, will be led by the ethics specific to the country and its laws, in our ever expanding world this is a global case because it is just as much in the news on the net as it may be in Australia itself! It is no longer an Australian issue because its information has reached millions more people who have ideas about what is or is not morally wrong. There is just no way to really solve the problem for situations like the 10 year old gang bang rape without re-evaluating what we consider tolerable regarding sexual deviances versus sexual crimes. Further, it is easier to be faithful to boundaries set as “tolerable” than it is to moralities which vary culturally. This essay leaves many arguments out for lack of space but it requires I at least mention that in order to re-evaluate sexual deviances and sexual crimes, we must also contemplate what a “sexual crime” is and the elements that make it criminal opposed to an extreme perversion. These are murky waters full of piranhas!

I believe it is important to become aware and accept the fact that we are globalizing and with that the world will slowly gain a new shift in perception. It’s inevitable in my opinion and if humanity is to survive well, it is vital we begin the first steps to understand that none of us win unless we agree to compromise; otherwise, all we have is disorder, blame and contradicting ethics. The one thing we all have in common is the action and desire of sex. This is a “fundamental chain link”! I do not debate the delicate matter of sexual ethics as a global ethic and its negative implications, to which there are many, but I feel the positive outweigh the negative. Nor do I debate the challenge such an act would be; however, if we for the time being cannot agree to a foundation for sexual morality, then we must set boundaries of what we are to accept as immoral, as in worthy of punishment, or what is tolerable even if not completely agreed upon but honored. Honor seems to be what is missing from the human spirit.

I don’t want to bring in the religious Pandora’s Box in this sexual morality debate because what I suggest incorporates that everyone compromises something; therefore, everyone wins and looses. It’s the best form of “fundamental equality” we can find right now since there are too many views on one planet. We’re human and we all engage in sex. Perhaps this is too simple of a common denominator but no matter our differences, this we share – this most of us can reasonably sympathize with each other on. We’ve been loved, heart broken, abused, lonely, raped, guilty, lustful and so on. These are all the emotions that sex brings with it. Sex is a great and sex is horrible.

In order to find some level of control in the chaos around us, we need to consider creating boundaries of tolerance from a global vantage point. And while some may think that’s unwise or it can’t happen successfully if at all, I believe it’s the future. Sex seems like a good starting point from which to work since sexuality equals life. We’re facing the edge of creating standards that future generations will follow particularly with the invention of the World Wide Web. No culture in this day and age is immune from global inquiry and criticism, nor is it easy to hide some of the truths that used to be easily covered up. Western views of sexuality obviously clash with other views but we’ve not gotten very far on our search for what constitutes true sexual morality. Perhaps there is none and we’re looking at it all wrong.

It is simply too complex of a concept with even more complex emotions attached to be simplified into a version of sex as love, language, pleasure or procreation. Its complexity is its draw but by not allowing or suppressing our sexual desire to explore into depths that only sex can provide, we then loose a part of ourselves which is essential to add to the mix of how we define sexual morality. So while the Australian rape case is an example of horrible sex and justice, its opposite positive is that if we have learned something from it then it has not gone in vain. In its horror, it has the potential to create good but this depends on how much desire it sparks within us to create a change that appears necessary and worthy. Perhaps my views are a stretch but imagining solutions to life’s problems is a mental mind game we can all play in every aspect of our lives. One never knows whose idea will succeed where and that’s the beauty of potential.

Plant a seed…

Namaste,
Tatiana von Tauber
www.vontauber.com