On Being An Exotic Dancer

Lesson 1 - On Being An Exotic Dancer

Etiquette. Some people know what to do in certain situations and some people become as square as saltine crackers. I’m here to help provide some tips on etiquette in relevant (and sometimes not so relevant) scenarios. You might not come upon any of these situations, and use my advice as often as you try to eat those 100-calorie snacks, but knowledge is power. Today’s lesson is the code of behavior while being an exotic dancer. Hey, I said sometimes it wouldn’t be so relevant.

Tip #1: Never, ever use yours or any of your fellow dancers’ real names.

While you’re working you will use the name you have fabricated as long as none of the other girls have the same.

This makes sense. Would you really want some guy who’s only there to stare at your goodies to know your real name? I know, some of you might not think it’s a big deal, but what if he comes back and acts like you’re old chums? And yes your mother has always told you not to worry about what other people think of you, but being in such a competitive work place, you do need to worry about what your co-workers think of you. A guy calling you by your real name can change your reputation (and whether you want one or not you will get one), and it’ll change it for the worse. Plus, if it’s a rule of the club, you will get in a lot of trouble.

Tip #2: Do not approach a man at the “tip rail” while a girl is dancing on stage.

For those who do not know (and don’t wistfully hope your beau doesn’t either, because there is a good chance he does), the tip rail is just a casual phrase for the seats that sit right up in front of the stage. Usually there is a metal rail for the man to put his money.

Okay, you’re on stage; you have a guy’s full attention, and he’s sitting at the rail and giving you money like candy. Suddenly, another dancer comes up and sits practically right on him. His attention immediately switches to the newcomer. Now, before you go all wolverine and start ripping the girl to shreds with your acrylic nails, know this: most clubs frown on this behavior anyway and the girl will usually get fined. That doesn’t stop some desperate hussies from doing it though, so beware. And don’t ever do it; it’s very rude.

Tip #3: Always get your money in advance.

I know what you’re thinking: add that up and it spells “duh”. You won’t believe how many women actually don’t get their money in advance though. Men will get ten lap dances in a row, and then claim they’re broke, and there’s nothing the club will do about it. If you’re not smart enough to get your money beforehand then shame on you. If a guy tries to haggle with you, walk away. He’s a cheap piece of shit and not worth your time.

Tip #4: Do not wear:

1. Thongs that are too small for you. No one wants to see your scoochie pop out, or more of your anus than necessary. Though some men do like that…

2. Heels that are smaller than six inches. Sorry, but in a strip club, it’s just not sexy.

3. Dirty outfits. Ladies, there are BLACK LIGHTS throughout most clubs. If you have spots or off-white outfits, IT WILL SHOW!

4. The same outfit as another girl. It’s tacky, and it’s already competitive enough without having to look better in the same outfit.

5. Baby oil or a lot of lotion. Yes, it’s nice to look all shiny and ash-free, but think about it. Most stages have dance poles. Imagine going on stage after a girl that’s wearing baby oil and going to grab a dance pole. Girls have literally flown off the stage from trying to do a trick on a lubed-up pole. And girls slip or fall embarrassingly on stage when there’s a large slick spot from your glistening legs. So again – DON’T DO IT! If you must, apply only lotion at least an hour or two before you go to work.

6. A wedding ring. Most men don’t like interacting with an entertainer that’s married. Men like to feel that they have a chance with her, even though they usually don’t 99% of the time. It’s a turn off that you’re already taken. But if you want to keep those types away from you, by all means wear one.

Now, here are a few myths that need to be cleared up.

Myth #1: Exotic dancers do not like to be called “strippers”.

TRUE. It’s okay if another dancer calls another dancer a stripper, but it is not okay for anyone else to. Society has demeaned the word “stripper” and so dancers take offense when being called one. It’s like being called just a housewife. Sure, you might stay at home and take care of all the homely things, but it sometimes rubs you the wrong way when people say that’s what you are. Today’s society makes it seem like it’s wrong when a woman stays at home instead of venturing out in the working world. “Exotic dancer” or “entertainer” is fine.

Myth #2: If you tip an exotic dancer generously, you will get laid.

FALSE. You could give her a $1000 dollars, and she still won’t have sex with you. Some are known to actually sell certain items of their outfit (i.e. thongs, spanky pants, bras; if someone offered me $600 dollars for panties I think I might go commando for the rest of the day). And if you would like to buy an entertainer an outfit feel free to. But you will not get laid!

Myth #3: Exotic dancers make really good money.

UMM. This is a tricky one. It’s been asked many times. Honestly, it depends on the dancer. If she has a personality, a body, and a brain, then these types usually do make what most of us make in two years by only working the weekends. But if she’s a dumb crackhead, the way those types usually make money is by doing more than they’re supposed to. Any gal can make good money shaking her stuff if she has the drive and the sex appeal.

So there you have it; some Fem-Etiquette 101 pointers for the Exotic Dancer. You have been informed. I hope your inner dancer is doing a sexy split right now!

If you have any questions, praise, or topic ideas, please feel free to email B. M. Carter at Brandi_Layla@hotmail.com