Sexkitten

I met with Nick to discuss us, where do we go from here now that the romance is over? Is the romance really over?

It was good to see him. I have put us into perspective and I wanted us to remain friends. I’m not angry about us. Things happen. That is all.

I find that as I get older I’m becoming more reasonable about a lot of things. There was a time when I would not consider beings friends. If I cant fuck you, I don’t want you.

Nick is a very attractive man and my cunt sizzled with desire as I sat across from him. My pussy ached to be filled with his hot milky cum. In the year and a half that we dated, he must’ve filled me a thousand times. That’s what I miss most, him cushioned between my spread legs, deep in my pussy, filling me…I didn’t know how intimate this could be.

He reached for me but I didn’t reach back. Lust can, and will surely if you let it, lead you astray. I couldn’t go back to what we had. I couldn‘t. I saw myself growing old and lonely waiting for something to happen.

“Are you sure this is what you want, Kitten?”

“I know what I don’t want,” I said.

He stare at me. “I don’t want to make promises that I can’t keep. But I want you to know that I love you. I think about you all the time. All day long,”

Then why can’t you find time for me? Why can’t you fit me into your life? Why do you place everyone before me? I wanted to say. But didn’t.

“We need to be sure that breaking up is the right thing to do. There‘s so much that’s good about us,” he said.

I’m certain that he was thinking with his cock too. I’ve had a lot of time to think and I was certain that something was keeping Nick from committing to me. He said he loves me but he was sabotaging our relationship. He said he loves me, BUT…

I pulled out a pack of post-its from my purse. On one, I wrote, pros, on the other, I wrote cons.

Pros--what’s good about our relationship?. Cons---what’s not good about our relationship.

PROS

What’s good about us?

I love you. Trust you. Respect you
You’re loyal and faithful
Beautiful and bold
I love your laugh. You’re passionate about me. You let me fuck you anytime, anyhow even if you’re not in the mood.
You mentally and physically stimulate me. You are my friend. I can talk to you about anything.
Did I mention that I love you?
You are the hardest working woman I know.
You are ambitious
And strong
And sensible
And intelligent.

CONS

What’s not good about us?

* We have family issues (I have my boys and you have your boys)
* Time issues (I travel a lot and you work a lot)
*You’re not as organized as I am and it drives me crazy.
*You’re not as financially stable as I am. And that bothers me. (Folks, I make well over 100k annually and fully supports myself)
*Whenever we go out, he pays.
(Early on in our relationship, Nick wouldn’t let me pay. After six, seven months, I stopped offering)
* If something happens to you in the future, would I have to take care of you?
* I get more sex than most men, but I want more.
* More blow-jobs too. He said. I stared at him. I wasn’t sure what to say. Where do I begin? The throbbing in my groin was fading.

In most instances, if the pros outweighs the cons, we could rework and
renegotiate, and recommit. But I find his cons too big to ignore. We spent over two and half years together.

More blowjobs I can do. More fucking-- done. I am more than happy to pay my own damn way.

If I fall sick in the future, will he have to take care of me? What the fuck is that?

Do I have to be as organized?

Do we need to have the same net worth?

Nick is 15 years older than I am, I can surpass him, but there’s also the possibility that I may never catch up in that department.

How does he measure my value?

“So what do you think?” He asked. I handed him the list with his pros and cons.

I think we should be friends.

I have an internal struggle going on. I’m together yet, not quite. I go to work everyday. I hang out with little C. But when the day ends, I’m alone with myself and I feel it all.

I’m not unhappy by any stretch of the imagination. There’s no better company to be in than my own. But right now, I feel empty.

I tell myself not to think about Nick, but if I’m going to get over him, I have to think about him. I have to put us into perspective.

In the meantime, I have to shed this skin I find myself in--it doesn’t fit. I’ve gotten used to sitting around waiting. I’ve gotten comfortable accepting less than I deserve.

What the fuck?

An afterthought, I am not. I, Sexkitten don’t do this shit. I’m a sexy, sexual woman. I live fully. I live passionately.

Yet…I can’t remember the last I pet my kitty. This luscious, delightful, passionate body feels virginal. I could use a good fuck, yet I sit here not knowing what to do with myself. I’m still waiting even without a promise of anything to come.

And hell if I know how to step back into the dating game.

Does it get harder the older we get? Is that why some of us hold on so tightly to whatever the fuck we have? Whatever the fuck we have. Jennifer went back to her married lover--dumb ass.

A man in my building came up to my office and asked me to lunch. He’s been asking me out for a while.

I’ve always refused his offer telling him that I’m involve.

Today, I stare at him. He looked handsome. And he stood there smiling at me.

“I just want to take you to lunch,” He said.

“I’m busy,” I said even though the meeting was over and I was going to take the rest of the day off.

After investing the last year and half with Nick, I find that I don’t have the energy to invest in someone else right now.

I’m tired of going through the motions.